


Fleeting Serenity

by princessdi



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Character Study, Comfort, Comfort No Hurt, Doubt, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Fluff without Plot, Love, Mentioned Austria (Hetalia), Mentioned England (Hetalia), Mentioned France (Hetalia), Nationverse, No Plot/Plotless, Relationship Study, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Self-Doubt, Tenderness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:08:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26489932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princessdi/pseuds/princessdi
Summary: Gilbert has doubts and Erzsébet has answers.
Relationships: Hungary/Prussia (Hetalia)
Kudos: 9





	Fleeting Serenity

_Potsdam, 1845._

It was a cool night with the wind gently blowing through the trees. Owls hooted their songs off in the distance, met with the crickets’ rival symphonies. The clouds completed nature’s scene by permitting the moon’s splendor to be on full display.

The peace would’ve been kept if not for the shuffling of feet over wood. Gilbert was pacing the length of his balcony, unable to stop had he wanted to. He was gripped with the kind of frenzy born of illogical anxiety. The icy tendrils of ceaseless worry constricted his heart, squeezing it to the point where he felt it shake within its casing. Instead of his normal rigid posture, he was collapsed inward with his arms wrapped around his bare chest.

The more he searched for what was wrong with him, the more lost he felt. He had never had such leisure and freedom. His responsibilities to his state were executed with ease, with what little resistance he faced feeling no more annoying than persistent gnats. His relationships with all he cared about were stable and, while Bavaria and Saxony didn’t appreciate the method he and Austria used to create Ludwig, they certainly weren’t outraged. Life had never so closely matched fantasy.

And, yet, here he was, working himself up over nothing like a lunatic. He forced himself to stop his marching and latched onto the guardrail to prevent himself from further pacing. A war could rage within his mind, but he wouldn’t let any unfortunate passersby observe it. He needed to maintain some baselevel of composure.

“God help me,” he muttered, his voice husky with exhaustion.

He ran his hands through his hair, sighing. How late was it now? He had gone to bed hours ago with all intention of sleep, but he knew that wouldn’t come tonight. A particularly hard gust of wind burst through, causing him to shiver. In his hurry to get outside, he’d completely forgotten to grab something to keep him warm. He looked at the bed in the window. Erzsébet was sound asleep, twisted up in all their blankets. He didn’t want to risk having his stirring disturb her and debated against going in.

Another harsh wind came through and decided for him. Gilbert shuffled in, moving the door painfully slow to prevent any squeak or slam. While he crept to get a shirt, he heard her mumble something like ‘Gilbert’ in her sleep. He remained frozen in place, hoping that he had misheard her.

“Gil?” She rolled over, blinking her eyes open. “Why you…there?”

“Go back to sleep. I’ll be quieter.” He smiled, trying to look reassuring so she wouldn’t grow suspicious.

“Is something the matter?” Erzsébet pushed herself up on her elbows. Not quite awake, she wobbled as she moved. She patted the empty bed besides her. “Sit down.”

He accepted his fate and complied. He pushed himself back to lean against the bedrest. At the confusion coming to knit together her brows, he smiled. There was something cute in how she worried. “I’m just a bit on edge. It’s fine, I don’t want to keep you up.”

Gilbert should’ve known saying that would invite her complete interest. She was now fully conscious of the world and staring at him expectantly. “On edge how? What’s bothering you?”

How the hell could he phrase it? ‘Nothing’s bothering me and that’s why I’m so bothered’ or ‘I can’t sleep because my heart feels like it’s about to explode, but how are you?’ Gilbert stared in her eyes, searching for divine intervention on how to explain himself. Instead, inspiration struck. So what if he couldn’t state how he was feeling in emotional terms? A little creativity was all it would take.

“You know when you’re out in the forest and you swear you hear a bear or a wolf, but it never shows up? So you say, ‘fuck it’ and keep moving? And then the bear starts causing shit again, but it’s still nowhere to be found and you start thinking you’re losing it and-”

She yawned, nuzzling into the pillow beneath her. “Could you be more straightforward? I’m not awake enough for one of your long stories.”

“Well _this_ one had a point,” he grumbled. “I don’t know why, but it feels like something’s chasing me. I know there’s nothing there – well, at least I _think_ it’s nothing – but it’s like something’s going to appear out of thin air and ruin everything.”

That was strange for him. She couldn’t recall ever knowing of a time when he had felt like this before. She tried remembering all their recent conversations, searching for a clue as to what was causing this. She couldn’t find a single one. “Do you have any idea why?”

“No! That’s what’s killing me! There’s no reason for me to be feeling this way. Everything’s been perfect! I don’t think I’ve ever been happier in my life, which is what makes this so bizarre.” He paused, studying her. He was seeing her, seeing her so clearly, and it was like a revelation. “You! It’s you, that’s what’s wrong with me!”

Erzsébet crossed her arms, scowling at him. “You better rephrase that.”

He laughed, relieved to have finally achieved some personal enlightenment. “Not like that. Let me explain myself.” He knelt down and kissed the top of her head. “It’s been so long since I haven’t had to march myself off to war or prepare for the next one. This is the most time I’ve had to spend with you in so long without having some bullshit gnawing at the back of my mind.” He twirled a few strands of her hair around his fingers.

When he reached the area by her chin, she kissed his hand. “Hasn’t it been wonderful? Even if we can’t share all our days, giving you my weekends has been amazing.” She smirked against his skin. “I know there’s a ‘but’ somewhere in there, so spit it out.”

Gilbert snorted, unbothered at being so predictable. “But I know this kind of quiet doesn’t last long. Something will come and will shatter it all and that’ll be that. Isn’t all joy in life fleeting?” His voice became hushed the more serious he became. “And then what? I’ll be off again, trying not to get shot by France on battlefields that all look the same.”

There was something she’d never heard him talk about in such a negative light. “But that’s how your life has always been.” She smiled, wanting nothing more than to cut through some of his tension. “What happened? Did my fearsome knight lose his purpose?”

“Less lost one and more found another.” He let the strand of her hair drop from around his finger and, instead, slipped his hand in hers. “Erzsi, you deserve all the best in the world. And I can give it to you now, but for how much longer?”

She hid her mouth with her free hand. Laughing at him, after such a vulnerable confession, would do her no good. “You really think I’ll forget you over the course of one little war? Gil, how many have we gone through? And look where I wound up!”

He rolled his eyes. “I’m not worried about you leaving me. Are you kidding? I haven’t had that worry in years.” He shifted so he was facing her completely, desperately needing her full attention. “My life is hell, it always has been. And I know yours has been too, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have better. How things are now, that’s the kind of life you deserve and that God! I’ve dreamt about giving you for years, but…” He trailed off, not wanting to speak where his mind was going in case it manifested into reality.

“All calm means a storm is bound to blow in soon?” He could hear Erzsébet’s smirk in her voice.

“Yes! And then-” he was silenced by the feel of her index finger against his lips.

“Along the way, did you ever stop to maybe ask yourself what I might want? Or have you just been listening to your paranoia this entire time?” Now was a good time to laugh at him, at his dumb expression as he tried to figure out what she meant. “Really, you must be in love with another woman. If you were in love with me, you wouldn’t be worrying about that nonsense.”

“You’re telling me my greatest fears are wrong?”

He really was a strange man. Anyone else and they would’ve been relieved to hear such a thing. But Gilbert always had to be different she supposed.

“Well, yes. They’re entirely wrong.” She moved so she was laying down with their chests against each other. Erzsébet held his gaze steady, making sure he understood every word of what she said. “If I wanted boring, I wouldn’t leave Vienna or, honestly, would’ve tried my chances with Arthur.” She cradled his cheek with one hand, smiling at him with familiar tenderness. “I don’t want boring; I want you.”

He didn’t quite smile, but it gave her hope that what she was saying was getting through to him. “Boring has stability. I know the life I’m partial to and, while it comes with such great highs, the lows are steep.” She watched the shift of his Adam’s apple as he swallowed. “I don’t want the consequences of my recklessness to come back at you.”

How could she forget? He was a fool. “You spend too much energy worrying about me. Gilbert, seriously. When haven’t I been fine? Why would I choose to be with you, for all this time, if I thought anything you did would hurt me? If I trust you, why can’t you trust yourself?”

He sighed. He didn’t have any sound argument against that. Gilbert looked down at her hand, doubt filling him with shame. “How ridiculous would it be if I said I sometimes think I’m not good enough for you?”

“Not ridiculous at all. You probably won’t believe it, but I do the same thing.”

Gilbert scoffed. “You don’t have to lie to make me feel better.”

Erzsébet gently smacked his chest with the back of her hand. “I would never do that! Sometimes, especially when I see you with Ludwig, I’m surprised at how good of a person you are. Or on days where you’ve been so sweet and attentive, I start thinking that maybe I’m not the worthy one. And you know what gets me out of that?” She paused for dramatic effect, wanting to hook him in. “I’ll catch you staring at me with such a lovestruck look on your face or, if I’m really lucky, I’ll overhear you say something about me to Ivan or Antonio and all the doubts go away. Because if you’re worthy of me than I’m worthy of you.”

“Am I an idiot?” He leaned his forehead against hers, closing his eyes. His smile came natural and easy now. He felt himself able to breathe again and was thankful for it.

“My God, the biggest! Denser than a mountain! But that’s okay,” she kissed him, a comforting little peck. “That’s what I’m here for.”

He kissed her again, this one much longer and slower. As soon as his arms were wrapped around her waist, she began wiggling free. He stuck out his bottom lip in a pout. “You could just say no like a normal person without all the dramatics.”

She was rolling onto her side, searching for the most comfortable position. At last, she found it and, with it, the certainty that sleep would be hers again. “I’m still tired. I don’t want to do anything that will keep me up.” She smiled at the wall, giggling. “Try your luck another night when you _don’t_ wake me up insanely early.”

The wave of exhaustion he had been fighting off finally hit him. Erzsébet had made the right call. He laid down, snuggling up against the crook of her neck. With his anxieties quelled, at least for the moment, he could finally sink into sleep. 


End file.
